I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
