Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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