I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
