Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
