Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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