legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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