a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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