he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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