Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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