When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
