May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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