Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
