My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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