So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
