Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
