She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
