I'm gonna have a badass scar
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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