nutella sex= disaster
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
