At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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