Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
