I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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