just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize