Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
