That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
