do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
