I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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