I can text with my tongue
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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