I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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