Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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