I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
