my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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