You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
