there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
