How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize