I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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