if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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