So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
