My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
