I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
