ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
