I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
