I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
