Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
