U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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