I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
