So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
