I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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