Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize