if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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