i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
