btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
