You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
