dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
