Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
