Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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