he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
