My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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