Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
