dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize