I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
