Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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