update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
