I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You made out with two different species that night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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