i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
