I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
