garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I will die if light touches me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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