Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
