he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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