Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
