Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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