yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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