Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
